Last week, we introduced the concept of “limiting beliefs” and examined how our thoughts and language ultimately control our potential, actions and performance. Your language can control you or can free you. The choice is yours, and you always have a choice. Do you use words such as “have to,” “need to” and “must”? If so, what are you really saying? What are these words telling you about your reality? See, sense and feel this question. What did you come up with? Were you able to see, sense and feel that they all imply that you have no choice? Were you able to understand that they all steal control of your thoughts, emotions and actions? If you “have to” do something, then you are not in control. If you “need to” do something, then you are not living in choice. If you “must” do something, then you are not in the driver’s seat of your own life. This is fine – unless you want to make your own decisions and to live life on your own terms. If you want to live life on your own terms, then words no longer will control you. “Have to,” “need to” and “must” are no longer in your vocabulary. Welcome to a new way of living and performing on your terms. Welcome to your new life. To replace these words, try this upgraded language today: choose toget towant toexcited toopportunity to Can you see, sense and feel how your life will be different with these new ways of perceiving everything that life brings to you? Start using these words consciously and test this all out. You may find that creating and maintaining the awareness to form this new habit can feel challenging at first. So remember: You are “choosing” to do this. After a few days, it will get easier, and you may begin to notice shifts in your perception of your experiences and, as a result, in your stress levels. Choice reduces your resistance, the cause of stress, which will give you more freedom and space in your mind and life. You always have a choice, and the choice begins with how you choose to think and to speak.Choose to stop believing that you “have to” do anything and start understanding that you “get to” do anything that you want. Dedicated to your growth,Nick + Justin
Those who believe they can and those who believe they cannot are both correct. So, which one are you? Anything is possible or impossible – if you believe it to be so. Part three of our exploration of the effects of language on our minds and, consequently, our lives bans the word “can’t.” “Can’t” is the ultimate dream killer because it immediately closes the door to possibility. Using this word tells yourself that there are no other options to move forward or to create change. What do you tell yourself that you can’t do? How often do you limit your success, your happiness and your life as a result? Common limitations that we place on ourselves using this word include: “I can’t be loved.”“I can’t be happy.”“I can’t handle this.”“I can’t even.” Well, we are correct when we make these statements – even if we do not believe them completely. Our thoughts and our language control our actions, our results and, therefore, our lives, so merely thinking that we can’t invites frustration and pain. When you catch yourself saying, “I can’t,” pause and question, “Is this true?” Your mind initially may respond, “Yes,” based on its conditioning. So, ask again, “Is this really true?” Your mind will ease up and will reveal an opening, a chink in its armor. This tiny way in is all that we need to start to upgrade our beliefs. It is that simple. The instant that you remove “can’t” from your vocabulary, you declare to yourself that there is a possibility. In response, infinite possibilities open up. While one word, “can’t,” closes the door to the infinite, its opposite opens the door to the infinite: “can.” The moment you decide that anything is possible, infinite pathways to the answer can reveal themselves to you. It will be up to you to discover and to experiment with these limitless pathways, but now you at least have a chance. Now, ANYTHING is possible. This is an opportunity to apply all that you know how to do as well as to learn new skills to construct the outcome that you desire. Something I like to say to myself, for example, while trying new physical feats is, “I don’t know how to do this yet.” This statement acknowledges that I currently may have limitations but they are impermanent because I am willing to explore and to learn how to overcome them. So, are you willing to explore and to learn what you are capable of? If so, then “can’t” is no longer in your vocabulary. If so, then you open the door for yourself to infinite possibility. Enjoy.
The fourth set of words that we recommend removing from your mindset and life are “always” and “never.” These seemingly harmless words place an imaginary limiting belief around your thoughts, your words and your actions. Listen to a “know-it-all.” You constantly will hear them say: “I never would do that,” or, “I always do this.” They are predefining their reality and, most likely, are not in touch with reality either. They also are filling the present and future with judgments and expectations. When we use words such as “never” or “always,” we are projecting our current thoughts onto future situations. This does not make sense because, unless you are omnipotent, you do not know how these situations will unfold. When we understand this, we understand that we will not know how we will feel or how we will act until that exact moment or event arrives. Avoiding “always” and “never” will help you to act from present moment and to choose what the right action for you in that moment is. Ultimately, this is the only thing that you can do. For example, if you are a vegan but are called to eat meat randomly, then do it. If you are a pacifist but are called to use force to protect yourself in the moment, then do what must be done. If you always go left, then try going right. When in doubt, do not do what you always do or dismiss what you never do. Instead, do what’s right for you to do. Eliminating these words from your vocabulary also will take pressure off of the future and will open you up to be more present in this moment. Both enable you to manage stress and to find more happiness and joy. Moreover, you will find that cutting these words out of your life will help you to judge others less and to give them more space to act in the way that is right for them in each moment – not you. This will support them in accessing all of these benefits too.
You are a female leader who has it all: the job, the home, the relationship, and everything you ever could want. But something is missing: balance. All the hard work and late nights that you have put in have taken time away from the most important person in your life: you. It is time to put yourself first to create the balance that you crave. How to Create Balance as a Female Leader Step 1: Believe that you are enough. Thinking that you are not enough and, as a result, constantly trying to prove otherwise have taught you to strive, to push for more, and to never let anyone see you sweat. You are talented and successful. And you do not need to prove that to anyone. Not Mom, not your boss, not society. But do you believe that? Balance begins with believing that you are good enough. Better yet, that you are perfect just as you are and that you do not need to prove yourself. Step 2: Slow down. Take a deep breath. Set your day up for success by slowing down. Before taking care of the kids, answering emails or checking social media, take 5-10 minutes every morning to prime yourself for the day. Practice some deep breathing. Journal your highest thoughts. Set an intention for how you want to show up in the world. Make the time. You are worth it. Step 3: Learn to say, “No.” “No,” is a full sentence. “No,” is a powerful statement. “No,” equals confidence. Yet you do not say no to people because you do not want to upset them. You do not say no to people because you want them to like you. You do not say no because you do not think that you can. You can, and it is OK and even beneficial to say it! “No,” puts you in the driver’s seat and empowers you to take action or to not take action. It also sets boundaries with others, who then will need to learn to care for themselves. You may need to start saying, “No,” to your boss, your partner and your kids. They will be OK, and you all will be better off for it as well. Practice by saying, “No,” at least once per day until it feels natural and easy. Step 4: Take a break. The office is not going to burn down if you leave for lunch. And, if it is, then you are way too important to your company and are putting yourself at risk for anxiety and burnout. Trust that you are doing everything to the best of your ability – and doing a damn-good job at it too. Taking a break will teach you how to let things happen and to release the need to control everything. It also will allow you to nourish yourself, to get some fresh air, and to stop saving everyone else from themselves. Go eat some lunch! You will generate more energy and will be more productive when you return. Step 5: Practice self-care. Airlines always advise to put on your own oxygen mask before helping others. Life is no different. Your job is to take care of yourself. The better that you care for yourself, the better that you can care for others. Self-care can look like anything: going to your favorite yoga class, taking a walk with a friend, or even staying in by yourself with a good book and some wine. Ultimately, self-care is an act of self-love! The more that you love yourself, the easier all the previous steps will be because it teaches you to put yourself first. Putting yourself first is the secret to finding balance, especially if you always put others’ needs before yours. Take time to practice these five steps until you implement them into your daily life. If you are a female leader who wants to learn how to put yourself first and to create more balance, then we are the coaches for you. Contact us at email@example.com to receive more info or to set up an intro call to discuss how we can serve you. Dedicated to your success, Nick + Justin